


Bread in Captivity

by TwicetheTrouble



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Harry Potter AU, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, but I don't, i got the thought like 4 hours ago, i haven't actually looked it up, i should have a serious title for this, i've been writing it for the past 3, idk if someone did this already, where crowley's the snake in the zoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-16
Updated: 2019-09-16
Packaged: 2020-10-19 19:09:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20662271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwicetheTrouble/pseuds/TwicetheTrouble
Summary: Crowley had been enjoying his ten year long vacation as London Zoo's Boa Constrictor exhibit when he's interupted by some rude individuals telling him to move. He was trying to take a nap, thank you very much. But what was more interesting than that, was their little companion seemed to be able to talk with him. In his own language no less.or how Crowley is the Boa Constrictor Harry talks to at the zoo





	Bread in Captivity

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Bread in Captivity](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23298469) by [ElenaBu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElenaBu/pseuds/ElenaBu)

> Hey everyone! I have no words as to why i came up with this. Only that i had a thought and went with it. I probably won't continue, i already have a lot on my plate and i really can't add another multi-chapter fic to my workload. But i really wanted to write at least this meeting. So here it is!
> 
> Hope you enjoy,
> 
> TBL

Crowley napped quietly in his exhibit, which is pretty much all he’d been doing for the last decade. He knew he should be out there doing whatever for his bosses down below, but that heat lamp felt so nice on his scales. It made him very reluctant to leave.

He wasn’t sure exactly how he ended up as part of the London Zoo’s Reptile exhibit. All he knew was that he had been sun bathing as a comfortably large Boa Constrictor when animal control showed up, put him in a van, and drove him off to the nearest snake expert. He had put up with it out of shier curiosity. He wanted to know what they would do with a large snake that did nothing but sleep and look at them funny. Turns out they put them on display.

Crowley didn’t mind much, if he was being honest. After all he got a glorious heat lamp, humans waiting on him all the time, and, best of all, not a single demon had even thought to look for him here. He could do without the mice though. He wasn’t much for eating anyways so would just pretend to eat them before miracling the little buggers into the back field when the keepers weren’t looking.

Over all he found it quite comfortable. Which is probably why he had accidentally spent the last ten years as a snake in a zoo exhibit that claimed he was ‘bred in captivity.’ [1]

Another reason he was enjoying himself was because whenever he was done sleeping for the day, he could people watch to his heart’s content. No one questioned him because, well, he’s a snake. There were always some odd ones wandering about to amuse him. Today’s specimens were two very round individuals that were currently pounding on the glass and yelling at him to move. They were accompanied by a very tall, stick like woman, and a tiny boy.

“Move!” The large child yelled once again.

He didn’t even spare them a blink.

Well, he _wouldn’t _have spared them a blink, if he could blink at the moment. Which he couldn’t.

“He’s asleep,” a small voice stated, getting them to stop. Crowley smiled to himself. That kid got it.

He subtly makes the rest of the odd-looking family become bored and leave so to have some piece and quiet. The little kid could stay if he wanted. He seemed to understand the wonders of a good nap.

_“I’m sorry about him,” _the kid murmured, getting Crowley’s attention. That wasn’t normal speech. _“He doesn’t understand what it’s like, lying there, day after day as people press their ugly faces against the glass.”_

Nope, that definitely wasn’t regular speech. That was snake language. He would know, he invented it. But it was mostly forgotten by now, so how did this tiny child be speaking it?

Crowley craned his head to look at him properly. He was definitely small, a lot smaller than he first assumed. The baggy clothes didn’t help him look any better either. His hair was dark and messy, it almost seemed permanently so. His bright green eyes were hidden behind a pair of truly horrendous looking glasses. It was painfully clear to him that this kid’s family didn’t care for him a lot, if at all.

Deciding this mystery of a child was worth a small conversation, he winked at the kid. Or did his best to look like he was winking. Since he didn’t have eyelids.

The kid’s eyes went comically wide.

_“You can hear me?” _

_“Well, the glasssss isssn’t exactly sssoundproof,” _Crowley replied.

The kid took a hurried step away from the glass, his eyes somehow even wider.

_“You…can talk?!”_

_“Keep it down. If they find out I’ll never get any ssssleep,” _Crowley said, artfully dodging the question. It was apparent that this child didn’t know he was speaking a different language at all. Which was odd. Usually the hissing gave it away. _“What’sss your name, little Sssnakelet?”_

_“Harry. I’m Harry Potter.”_

The name rang a bell for Crowley but he wasn’t exactly sure which one, so he just let it slide.

_“Pleasssure to meet you, Harry.”_

_“What’s yours?” _Harry asked. The demon was pleasantly surprised. The boy had manners.

_“The keepersss have their own name for me. But you can call me Crowley.”_

_“Crawley?”_

_“No, Crooowley. With an ‘o’.”_

_“Oh.”_

_“Exactly,” _Crowley said, trying to wink again but failing. Harry smiled at his joke. The boy had wandered back up to the glass once again, leaning against the rails as they talked.

_“Do you talk to people often?” _Harry asked shyly.

_“Not a chance.” _Crowley smiled awkwardly with his serpentine mouth. _“Of courssse, not many ssstart talking to me in the firssst place. I guesss you’re ssspecial.”_

_“Oh I’m not special,” _Harry replied, awkwardly looking at his feet. Crowley watched him carefully but didn’t push the issue. _“Um, you’re from Brazil, right?”_

_“Ssssomewhere around there, I sssupossse,” _Crowley answered, letting the subject change.

_“Was it nice? Do you miss your family at all?”_

_“Read the sssign, sssnakelet.” _Crowley pointed his head towards the sign next to his enclosure, bringing it to the boy’s attention.

_“’Bred in captivity.”_

_“Yep. If I had family in Brazil, I’ve certainly never met them.” _He wasn’t exactly lying. He was a demon so he didn’t have a family. If he _did_, somehow, have family out there (Brazil or otherwise), he hasn’t met them.

_“I understand. That’s me too,” _Harry said. _“I never knew my family.”_

_“What about the giant, walking grapefruitsss and the twig woman?” _Crowley questioned, struggling to keep his sympathy in check. Demons weren’t supposed to feel sympathetic towards little, orphan children, no matter how adorable they were being.

_“That’s my aunt, uncle, and cousin. They…don’t like me much.”_

_“They don’t know what they’re misssing,” _Crowley stated. “I think you’re fantassstic.”

_“Umm…I think there’s a mistake on your sign,” _Harry said, awkwardly shifting the topic once again. The boy had self esteem issues that rivaled Crowley’s, which only made it harder for the demon not to become attached. He had already caught himself thinking about introducing Harry to the joys of plant shouting before he had shut that thought down. _“I don’t think ‘bred’ is supposed to have an ‘a’ in it.”_

_“It’sss an old joke the zookeepersss forgot was there[2],” _Crowley laughed.

_“What was the-“ _Before the boy could continue, the smaller of the two grapefruits plowed him over to press his face against the glass.

“Mum! Dad! Look what the snake’s doing!” He exclaimed.

Crowley glared at the smushed face, hissing as he tried to decide what to do with this brat of a child. He was debating between turning him into a cockroach or just dropping him off in the artic somewhere when the glass to his enclosure miraculously disappeared, sending the large child tumbling into the water portion of his exhibit.

He was fairly certain he didn’t do that.

After a stunned moment, he looked over at little Harry, picking up just a hint of wild magic off the boy.

Things clicked into place for him then.

Why Harry could talk to him. Why the glass disappeared without Crowley doing it. Where he had heard Harry’s name before. The boy was a wizard, a baby one that has yet to realize his power, but definitely magical. Crowley would bet his Bentley that this particular wizard child was the very one old Voldetoast got himself fried trying to off.

It had been a pretty big deal, back before he ended up in the Zoo. He vaguely wondered if the wizarding community was still going on about it. He should probably check that out.

Deciding his little snake vacation was done with, Crowley slithered past the terrified child and out of the enclosure. He weaved his way across the ground, stopping for a moment in front of Harry.

_“Thanksss for the essscape,” _he said with a grin

_“Any time?” _Harry replied, sounding unsure of whether he was involved or not. Crowley chuckled.

_“Hope to sssee you again.” _Crowley slipped past the boy, and boldly out the door, nipping at a few ankles as he went.

He had meant his words. He definitely wanted to see that kid again. Against his better judgement, the he had become attached. Crowley figured he’d check up on him sometime soon. Maybe in a week or so. The demon had some catching up to do after all. He’d been out of the loop for the last decade. Not to mention, he was pretty sure his plants were becoming much too lax without him around to keep them in shape.

Crowley left the zoo quite swiftly, not bothering to look back even as he felt Harry’s magic put the glass back on the enclosure, trapping the large child inside with a newly materialized loaf of bread as company.

**Author's Note:**

> [1] With exception to one week about three years ago where Crowley decided to stretch his legs a bit. He had replaced himself with loaf of bread as a joke and proceeded to spend the entire week dressed as a zookeeper to watch the rest of the zoo panic over their missing snake. [back]
> 
> [2] It was, in fact, Crowley that forgot it was there. Leftover from his prank from three years ago.[back]
> 
> -
> 
> Check out my [tumblr](https://twicethetrouble.tumblr.com/) for updates and other random stuff!


End file.
